William Shatner Is My Hero

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Photo by Gage Skidmore

Yep, William Shatner Is My Hero

Why? Because he never gives up.

In GalaxyQuest, the parody of Star Trek that’s so wonderful that most people place it high on their list of “Best Star Trek Films,” Tim Allen’s character has the motto “Never give up, Never Surrender.” He says it over and over, and it resonates as something James T. Kirk might have said, although he never did. Trust someone who’s watched James T. Kirk enough to have memorized his dialogue.

You know that song from Disney’s Hercules? The one about going the distance? “I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me… I’ll be there some day, I can go the distance… when I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong.”

I’ve been going the distance for fifty-two years. I don’t feel like I’m where I belong. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll never feel that way.

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“The Initiation of Proty II” or “The Super-Tests of the Super-Pets” (Adventure Comics #322, July, 1964)

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How’s that for a cumbersome title? But it says what the story is, and, while it might feel like filler in the midst of a series of stories building towards a confrontation with the Time Trapper, it is firmly a part of that epic, built around the Legion’s plans to confront the villain.

Left with the Super-Pets to guard the clubhouse while the Legionnaires fly off to try and break the Iron Curtain of Time, Proty decides he wants to be a member of their group. (Does anyone else find it odd that the Legion brings in the animals to guard the clubhouse, when the Substitutes are available? Seems a little insulting.)

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read: “The Code of the Legion!” (Adventure Comics #321, June, 1964)

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So, any time the Legionnaires start quoting rules and regulations, you know you’re getting into Bastard People territory. Whenever these kids think someone has broken the rules, they get more uptight than a Baptist minister in a speakeasy full of BDSM aficionados.

The cover promises us that Lightning Lad is going to be locked in a giant birdcage—until the end of time, no less—with only a vending machine to keep him company. Said vending machine claims to dispense food, water and books.

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The Colonel’s Plan – The Blue Bathroom – Part 1

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September 15, 2017

Dear Daddy –

This week I’ve been coming into the home stretch on the blue bathroom—“The Boys’ Bathroom.” You designed it with a shower and two sinks, with a door that opened into Charles’s bedroom. I guess the senior brother was thought to deserve the privilege of a private entrance into the bathroom in the middle of the night, or early in the morning. My bedroom was to be around the corner. The two sinks would have allowed us to brush our teeth—or later shave—at the same time.

As with most of your plans for the house, this arrangement never came to be. The bathroom was never finished. As I write this, the toilet, sinks, plumbing fixtures and tile are still in their boxes, only recently moved out of storage in the roughed-in shower cubicle, and the back corner of the East General Purpose Room—“Susan’s General Purpose Room,” now to be Ethan and Jessica’s room. Continue reading →

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read: Revenge of the Knave from Krypton (Adventure Comics #320, May, 1964)

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Dev-Em is back! Who? What’s a Dev-Em?

Superboy readers in 1964 would have remembered “The Knave from Krypton” from about three years earlier, when he taunted Superboy in Adventure Comics #287 and #288. He’s the juvenile delinquent who lived next door to Jor-El and Lara on Krypton, and who, when his attempts to steal Jor-El’s rocket plans were foiled by baby Kal-El, placed himself and his parents in suspended animation in a lead-coated bomb shelter. They all survived the destruction of Krypton and landed on Earth 15 years later.

What is Dev-Em doing in the 30th Century? Um… we’re never actually told.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Legion’s Suicide Squad!” (Adventure Comics #319, April, 1964)

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Here’s a story which you need to be able to put aside logic in order to enjoy. And there are things to enjoy in this story, as long as you don’t mind your favorite character being marginalized in order to make the Substitute Legionnaires look good. ‘Cause, believe me, with the possible exception of Colossal Boy, no regular member of the Legion comes out of this story looking good.

A bellicose planet called Throon begins using force rays from a deadly citadel (The Citadel of Doom!) on the planet’s surface to cripple spaceships. They cripple any ship which passes within 30 Million Miles of their world. The Science Police lament that this will cripple interstellar commerce, and, indeed, we are shown planets in the galaxy where children ask why there is no food, and parents say because no one can deliver food to us via space travel.

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Flash Fiction: Narcissus and the Echo Chamber

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This is a mood piece. I was in a mood when I wrote it. But the critic raved, so I was motivated to share…

Once upon a time, in Ancient Greece (because things like this don’t happen today—we’re far too modern) there was a beautiful boy named Narcissus.

Beautiful doesn’t do him justice. Narcissus was drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, he positively glowed like gold. If gold were radioactive. Which it’s not. But it doesn’t sound right to say that he “reflected like gold,” now does it? Besides, it would be inaccurate. Narcissus would never have allowed himself to reflect back as much pure light as gold does. Narcissus was all about keeping whatever he could for himself.

No, let’s say that Narcissus sparkled like diamonds. This was one good-looking kid.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “Elastic Lad Jimmy and His Legion Romances!” (Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #76, April, 1964)

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Jerry Siegel Returns to tell the tale of Jimmy Olsen—Stud of the 30th Century. Okay, it doesn’t say that, but still…

As a tremendous snowstorm barrages Metropolis, Jimmy prepares for a date with Lucy Lane. He’s spent pretty much his entire paycheck on a gourmet meal, and purchased a dressing gown that he’s sure will impress her. Ah, remember the days when a young man entertained a girl in his apartment, dressed in a bathrobe, and it wasn’t creepy and inappropriate? No, neither do I.

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Night Off

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I’m taking the night off. I actually have a review prepared, but I like to have one ahead, and I’ve had no time to prepare tomorrow’s. My beloved Jeep Wrangler has had a bad few days. Its heat went out, which I thought I had figured out. Then its rear window abruptly shattered in the cold. And just minutes after I had scheduled an appointment to have that replaced, I walked out to find it had leaked a quart or so of oil all over the parking lot.

Not a good day. They say don’t sweat the small stuff, but sometimes the small stuff comes on top of so much big stuff that you can’t do anything else. So I’m just gonna sit here and… sweat… TTYL.

“Mutiny of the Legionnaires” (Adventure Comics #318 – March, 1964)

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Sun Boy becomes a tyrant and sets several of his colleagues adrift to die in space. Now that’s an attention-grabber! This story is all over the map, plot and character-wise, but it does have a saving grace in its introduction of an actual thought-provoking topic.

Light Lass’s costume has yet to change—it still has lightning bolts coming down the shoulders. Guess it took her a while to settle on an image that went with her new powers. And is this, in fact, the first Legion story without Saturn Girl? Not counting the solo-adventures with Ultra-Boy, Star Boy and Mon-El? I’ll have to go back and look.

Sun Boy is placed in charge of a mission to out-migrate a race of xenon-breathing people whose planet is about to die. In the course of it, he makes some mistakes, but won’t listen when his friends express concern. Finally, they’ve had enough and attempt to take over the ship. He casts them into space in a boat with not enough food, air or fuel.

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