The Legionnaire Who Stole an Identity! (Or, Superboy’s Forgotten Bromance)

“The Five Legion Orphans” was only 12 pages long. To fill the rest of the book, one would expect that perhaps a new Superboy adventure would have been commissioned. Perhaps another outing by Otto Binder, who had given us “The Six-Legged Legionnaire” last issue. What we got, instead, was the closest Silver Age readers were going to get to an explanation of why Star Boy first appeared with powers identical to Superboy, and, when he showed up again after missing 19 Legion adventures, was suddenly equipped only to make things super heavy.

The explanation comes in a text box added to the last panel of 356’s reprint of “Lana Lang and the Legion of Super-Heroes,” a story written by the aforementioned Otto Binder.

A note on the Grand Comics Database entry for this reprint says that Star Boy was “partially refried from Adventure #195.” Partially refried? Like the beans?

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The Colonel’s Plan – Grout

September 28, 2017

Dear Daddy—

I hate GROUT!!!!!!!

Well, I hate the grout I bought last week. I was going to use the grout you left me. It’s been sitting, under a table in Susan’s general purpose room, for almost 50 years now. But when I looked at all those bags, with the pretty pictures of Medusa on them, labeled “GROUT” in big letters, it turned out they weren’t actually grout. Not sure what that’s about, but, when you read the fine print, it says they’re thinset mortar for laying tile. So, while it’s clever and all that you would name a product that turns to stone “Medusa,” it’s not very useful.

The stuff I bought said it was ideal for tile up to 8″ x 8″, and for any applications where the spacing is between 1/8″ and 1/2″. And it said it was ideal for wet areas like shower walls, although not for saunas. Okay, my tiles are 4″ x 4″, my spacing is 1/8″ and they’re shower walls, not saunas.

But this stuff is awful!

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Five Legion Orphans” (Adventure Comics #356, May, 1967)

So, looking at the cover of this issue, you get that feeling you’ve been here before—not that long ago, either. Several Legionnaires were turned into babies by the Time Trapper back in Adventure #338. That wasn’t really an experience worth repeating, either, but Nelson Bridwell, filling in for Jim Shooter for the third time seven issues, obviously saw un-mined potential in the idea. It’s a different group of Legionnaires getting babified this, with just Element Lad taking a return trip to Toyland, and Superboy and Brainiac 5, who were the adults in the room last time out, getting shortened this time.

It goes down like this: It’s Parents’ Day in the 30th Century—a combination of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, proving that the greeting card lobby is weaker in a 1000 years, but not powerless. Metropolis celebrates with a parade led by the Legionnaires and their parents. Well, that is just the Legionnaires of have parents. While Star Boy, Invisible Kid, the Ranzz Twins, Duo Damsel, Sun Boy and Cosmic Boy share a sumptuous post-parade banquet with their families, the Legion orphans—Supes, Brainy, Dream Girl, Element Lad, Mon-El—eat cold sandwiches and guard the clubhouse.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Six-Legged Legionnaire” (Adventure Comics #355, April, 1967)

Rounding out an issue left short by an abrupt end to the Adult Legion saga, Otto Binder contributes his last Legion story, bringing one of his favorite characters, Lana Lang, to the clubhouse to apply for membership.

In 20th-Century Smallville, Lana catches Superboy changing clothes in a phone booth, but resists the urge to learn his secret identity, giving him his privacy instead. She knows that, if his identity were revealed, he’d have to give it up, and that would be sad. It seemingly doesn’t occur to her that knowing his identity might also expose her to personal danger. The women in Clark Kent’s life seem oblivious to the idea of danger.

As a reward, Superboy takes Lana to a Legion meeting. The meeting itself is a secret, so he leaves her to explore future Metropolis. It occurs to me here that Superboy must place a high level of trust in Lana, if he’s willing to let her wander unescorted 1,000 years in the future. Even a future city is still a city, but he probably figures that Metropolis is inherently safe and Lana doesn’t have the worst judgment in the world.

Lana has brought her Insect Queen costume and ring, and she uses them to get an aerial view. Along the way, she encounters and endangered space liner, and uses her powers to extinguish a fire in the engine compartment and save the passengers and crew. One of the passengers is Dream Girl, who tells Lana she handled the crisis as well as any Legionnaire would have, and also that she owes Lana a favor.

This puts an idea in Lana’s head—and, minutes later, she shows up at the Legion clubhouse as an applicant for membership. The application process is back to its old form, with no pre-tests to rule our Lana’s artificial powers, and no evident vote by the members. Invisible Kid lets her go through her whole dog-and-pony show before telling her she’s not qualified. At least he’s nice about it!

As she goes to sit with the rejects (ouch!), a distress call comes in from Ice City at the South Pole. Chameleon Boy, Colossal Boy and Shrinking Violet are dispatched. Lana, still hoping to prove herself, cashes in her favor with Dream Girl and asks for a prophecy. Dream Girl reveals that the Legion team is in danger, but that Lana must not turn into a moth today—that will lead to tragedy.

Superboy flies Lana to Antarctica and shows off Ice City—a metropolis carved from solid ice. The residents avoid freezing to death by wearing special parkas, and Superboy gets one for Lana. Strangely, the fully human Colossal Boy and Shrinking Violet never put on parkas. I suppose it’s possible the Chameleon Boy can adapt to extreme cold, but the question is never addressed.

Sure enough, the Legionnaires are in danger from an escaped criminal named Oggar-Kon, who plans to use fantastic technology to either melt Ice City, blow it away, or shake it apart. Nearly defeated, Oggar-Kon flings Green K dust all over Superboy. As expected, the only way Lana can think to save the love of her young life is to change into a moth-girl. She saves Superboy, but loses her bio-ring. She’s trapped in moth-form… forever. Well, it seems like forever. It’s until Light Lass demonstrates her amazing control over her power—she can make an object light, even if she doesn’t know where it is, and without making the other objects around it light. She causes the ring to float upward—from its place inside the secret pocket on Superboy’s cape.

Lana demonstrates real bravery in this story, and earns a place as a reserve Legionnaire. We won’t get to see her in action too many times, but there’s no denying she’s one hell of a Legionnaire. One wonders if Insect Queen would have run more issues than Superwoman did.

Roll Call:Superboy, Dream Girl, Chameleon Boy, Invisible Kid, Colossal Boy, Shrinking Violet,

Firsts: Insect Queen as an honorary member

 

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read -“War of the Legions” (Adventure Comics #355, April, 1967)

This 12-page adventure is not so much a continuation of “The Adult Legion” as a sequel. It is teased at the end of the previous issue’s full-length story, with the reveal that Ferro Man was under the control of the Legion of Super-Villains, but it feels fairly disconnected otherwise. Superman leaves right at the beginning, to return to the 20th Century, and Timber Wolf has just vanished between issues.

The reduction in force was necessary to match the LSH and LSV person for person, so that they could face each other in single combat after the Super-Villains had kidnapped Brainiac 5.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read: “The Adult Legion!” (Adventure Comics #354, March, 1967)

This is one of my all-time favorite Legion adventures, despite the fact that it tells the tale of a much-depleted membership, and, apparently, that it was forced on young Jim Shooter by his crusty old editor, Mort Weisinger. Shooter nonetheless did the idea proud, taking the Legion credibly forward, and, along the way, creating two new permanent Legionnaires (never mind that they were doomed to die someday), as well as the Wanderers and a mystery named Reflecto.

It’s a gripping cover, isn’t it? A memorial hall to a bunch of dead Legionnaires, only one of whom readers had met at the time, and he had died in the previous issue. This was the first of many ways that the Legion would let us know that Andrew Nolan, Ferro Lad, was gone, but not forgotten.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Doomed Legionnaire!” (Adventure Comics #353, )

SPOILERS!

Yeah, Ferro Lad’s been dead almost as long as I’ve been alive, so I don’t think I’m blowing any secrets here. The last time a Legionnaire died, there was no fanfare, no announcement on the cover, and almost no emotion shown. Of course, Lightning Lad came back not long after his “death.” But Ferro Lad stayed dead. (Yes, he returned as a ghost, as his twin brother, as a clone (twice!) and as a character in a reboot Legion. But this Andrew Nolan died in Adventure 353, and is still dead in current continuity, such as it is.)

It sounds like Jim Shooter always planned to kill Ferro Lad. He told Roger Stern that he didn’t think he’d be allowed to kill any existing Legionnaires, so he created some “extras” in his first story. Since no regular character in a comic like this had been permanently killed before, he thought it should be tried. (14 years later, he tried to apply similar logic to the idea of turning a long-standing character permanently evil, but Jean Grey just came back to life as a hero again, so I don’t think that idea stuck. It’s a shame, but it begs the question—would we remember Ferro Lad so fondly if he had lived?

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Fatal Five!” (Adventure Comics #352, January, 1967)

This is Jim Shooter’s most famous Legion story—well, the first part of it anyway. It introduces the greatest threat the team ever faced, and also, arguably, a team of their most memorable villains. While I’m actually a big fan of the Legion of Super-Villains, let’s face it, they’re five copycats and a bunch of Legion rejects. Lightning Lord and Nemesis Kid are their only real contenders, and that’s because of their ties back to the Legion itself.

The Fatal Five, on the other hand, are their own creations; and while they’re a bit two-dimensional here, each carries in his (or her) origin story the makings of a fully realized character. Look at the first three: Validus, a creature who is not evil and does not want to hurt anyone, but is nonetheless sentenced to death because he cannot control his violent rages; Tharok, who hates all protectors of law because a police officer’s stray shot vaporized half his body and left him a disfigured cyborg; Mano, a mutant shunned by his peers because of his destructive hand, who turned that hand on his very home world and killed everyone on it.

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The Colonel’s Plan – The Blue Bathroom – Part 7

September 26, 2017

Dear Daddy–

The shower stall is now almost completely tiled. Shopping for waterproofing compound, I found this amazing product called SimpleMat. It’s basically a giant roll of double-sided tape. You stick it on the surface to be tiled, peel off the backing paper, and press the tile into it. No mixing adhesive, no glue all over your fingers, shoes, floor and tile, no cleanup, and no waiting for the mortar to cure before you grout.

Of course, with my work-time largely cut up into chunks of a few hours here and there, the odds of me laying tile and grouting it the same day are very, very slim. Still, the savings in cleanup alone were worth the cost of the product.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Forgotten Legion!” (Adventure Comics #351, December, 1966)

BASTARD PEOPLE ALERT! This issue contains possibly the worst bastard people moment in Legion history. I’m talking about this panel, wherein Invisible Kid socks Ultra Boy in the jaw (knowing he’s not currently invulnerable) for disobeying an order. And, seriously, there’s no excuse for this. I know it was the 1960s, and punching each other in the face was just something boys did. Kids. Sheesh. But no, this is not okay in any time or context. The Legion is not the British Navy. It’s a futuristic, civilized collection of very intelligent individuals. Indeed, the person being the Bastard People here is arguably the guy with the second-highest IQ in the group. Intelligence doesn’t guarantee good behavior, but it sure as hell makes it harder to excuse.

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