Author Archives: Steven Howell Wilson

The Colonel’s Plan – The Blue Bathroom – Part 2

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September 15, 2017 (Continued)

Dear Daddy –

Let’s talk about the shower…

I hired Mike the plumber (and his son Gary, and his grandson Cody) on the recommendation of a friend. I knew that finishing the plumbing for three bathrooms and the kitchen was going to be too much for me. It turned out to be the biggest expense associated with the house so far, but it was worth it.

So the first thing Mike the plumber told me about the shower cubicle was that it had to go. It was designed for the plumbing codes of decades ago, and he really recommended I use a pre-fab, fiberglass cubicle. That would be fastened right to the studs, not to the plywood. Now I didn’t see any reason the plywood couldn’t be there in between. But once I had measured the available cubicle base and walls, I realized that I needed the combined inch of width that removing the plywood would provide. So out it was going to come, and it needed to go before Mike and his crew could even do the rough-in plumbing. Continue reading →

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “Lex Luthor Meets the Legion of Super-Heroes!” (Adventure Comics #325, October, 1964)

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This is an example of a fun Jerry Siegel story, with no glaring plot holes or scientific gaffes. The plot is straightforward: a teen Lex Luthor (with a full head of hair) comes forward in his “time cylinder” to meet his idols, the Legion of Super-Heroes, whom he’s observed on his timescope.

Okay, it’s not a scientific gaffe, but it does defy belief that a teen Lex Luthor created two devices that it took the rest of the human race 1,000 years to develop, as witnessed by the fact that they’re still considered pretty rare and nifty in the Legion’s time.

The Legion quickly realize that this charming, innocent boy, who has saved Triplicate Girl and Matter-Eater Lad from death at the hands of the inhabitants of the planet Khann! (established as a penal colony by the William Shatner fan club, no doubt), is actually Lex from before the time that his hair fell out, resulting in his conversion to villainy.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Legion of Super-Outlaws!” (Adventure Comics #324, September, 1964)

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Remember Jungle King? The kid with the power to control animals, who applied for Legion membership, was rejected, never collected his complimentary flight belt, and then turned super-villain? You don’t?

Yeah, that’s reasonable.

Say, how many rejected applicants did become super-villains? Not that many, at this point in time, but a bunch of the ones we’ve met in the last few issues joined the LSV some time before Adventure #372, so one wonders if the Legion shouldn’t oughtta GPS track all their failed applicants.

Anyway, Jungle King has a much older brother—guy looks about 60 if he’s a day. Jungle musta been a serious life change baby.  His name is Marden King, and he has the power to control all other people named “Marden.” But there aren’t any of them in this story, and we never see Marden King again, so… Well, that gives us something to hope for if the Legion gets their own book again in 2018, doesn’t it? Their first adventure can be a battle with the Legion of Super-Mardens.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Eight Impossible Missions” (Adventure Comics #323, August, 1964)

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It’s election day at the Legion clubhouse. It’s been one year since Saturn Girl stole the last election (Adventure #304), and it was never officially confirmed, until now, that she had been allowed to remain in the job. Certainly Sun Boy, who loves to shout orders, gave no evidence that she had.

Apparently, amongst all the many things delineated in the Legion Constitution, there is no instruction given as to how the leader will be selected. The idea of letting a computer pick the smartest Legionnaire is floated, but Brainiac 5 modestly declares that that’s not fair, because, of course, he’ll win hands-down. Continue reading →

William Shatner Is My Hero

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Photo by Gage Skidmore

Yep, William Shatner Is My Hero

Why? Because he never gives up.

In GalaxyQuest, the parody of Star Trek that’s so wonderful that most people place it high on their list of “Best Star Trek Films,” Tim Allen’s character has the motto “Never give up, Never Surrender.” He says it over and over, and it resonates as something James T. Kirk might have said, although he never did. Trust someone who’s watched James T. Kirk enough to have memorized his dialogue.

You know that song from Disney’s Hercules? The one about going the distance? “I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me… I’ll be there some day, I can go the distance… when I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong.”

I’ve been going the distance for fifty-two years. I don’t feel like I’m where I belong. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll never feel that way.

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“The Initiation of Proty II” or “The Super-Tests of the Super-Pets” (Adventure Comics #322, July, 1964)

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How’s that for a cumbersome title? But it says what the story is, and, while it might feel like filler in the midst of a series of stories building towards a confrontation with the Time Trapper, it is firmly a part of that epic, built around the Legion’s plans to confront the villain.

Left with the Super-Pets to guard the clubhouse while the Legionnaires fly off to try and break the Iron Curtain of Time, Proty decides he wants to be a member of their group. (Does anyone else find it odd that the Legion brings in the animals to guard the clubhouse, when the Substitutes are available? Seems a little insulting.)

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read: “The Code of the Legion!” (Adventure Comics #321, June, 1964)

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So, any time the Legionnaires start quoting rules and regulations, you know you’re getting into Bastard People territory. Whenever these kids think someone has broken the rules, they get more uptight than a Baptist minister in a speakeasy full of BDSM aficionados.

The cover promises us that Lightning Lad is going to be locked in a giant birdcage—until the end of time, no less—with only a vending machine to keep him company. Said vending machine claims to dispense food, water and books.

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The Colonel’s Plan – The Blue Bathroom – Part 1

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September 15, 2017

Dear Daddy –

This week I’ve been coming into the home stretch on the blue bathroom—“The Boys’ Bathroom.” You designed it with a shower and two sinks, with a door that opened into Charles’s bedroom. I guess the senior brother was thought to deserve the privilege of a private entrance into the bathroom in the middle of the night, or early in the morning. My bedroom was to be around the corner. The two sinks would have allowed us to brush our teeth—or later shave—at the same time.

As with most of your plans for the house, this arrangement never came to be. The bathroom was never finished. As I write this, the toilet, sinks, plumbing fixtures and tile are still in their boxes, only recently moved out of storage in the roughed-in shower cubicle, and the back corner of the East General Purpose Room—“Susan’s General Purpose Room,” now to be Ethan and Jessica’s room. Continue reading →

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read: Revenge of the Knave from Krypton (Adventure Comics #320, May, 1964)

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Dev-Em is back! Who? What’s a Dev-Em?

Superboy readers in 1964 would have remembered “The Knave from Krypton” from about three years earlier, when he taunted Superboy in Adventure Comics #287 and #288. He’s the juvenile delinquent who lived next door to Jor-El and Lara on Krypton, and who, when his attempts to steal Jor-El’s rocket plans were foiled by baby Kal-El, placed himself and his parents in suspended animation in a lead-coated bomb shelter. They all survived the destruction of Krypton and landed on Earth 15 years later.

What is Dev-Em doing in the 30th Century? Um… we’re never actually told.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Legion’s Suicide Squad!” (Adventure Comics #319, April, 1964)

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Here’s a story which you need to be able to put aside logic in order to enjoy. And there are things to enjoy in this story, as long as you don’t mind your favorite character being marginalized in order to make the Substitute Legionnaires look good. ‘Cause, believe me, with the possible exception of Colossal Boy, no regular member of the Legion comes out of this story looking good.

A bellicose planet called Throon begins using force rays from a deadly citadel (The Citadel of Doom!) on the planet’s surface to cripple spaceships. They cripple any ship which passes within 30 Million Miles of their world. The Science Police lament that this will cripple interstellar commerce, and, indeed, we are shown planets in the galaxy where children ask why there is no food, and parents say because no one can deliver food to us via space travel.

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