Author Archives: Steven Howell Wilson

The Colonel’s Plan – Never Cry Over a Flipped Sink

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October 11th, 2017

Dear Daddy –

I’m sure you’ll agree that a sink is a silly thing to cry over, much less two sinks. Nevertheless, when I had mounted the two regency blue sinks into the mosaic tile countertop this afternoon, and flipped it over to ensure that they had a chance of staying mounted when gravity was applied, I found myself in tears. I literally burst into tears. It was the sense of relief, I guess, and gratification that the job was almost finished. 45 years ago it must have been that you described to me a bathroom with dual sinks on a long counter, gracing that upstairs bathroom. I envisioned something grand and luxurious, something classy and swank. Two sinks, on a long countertop. It was the sort of thing you would see in the restroom at a high class restaurant, the kind where, my sister assured me, one did not order a hamburger. Where one ordered steak and had a beer on the rocks. Continue reading →

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “Mission Diabolical” (Adventure Comics #374, November, 1968)

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This adventure should have come under the heading “Underused Hero Showcase.” Aside from new Legion leader Ultra Boy, it focuses largely on heroes who have not appeared much lately. I discussed Element Lad’s scant appearances last time. Supergirl was mostly a no-show throughout the Legion’s Adventure run. Matter-Eater Lad had been absent for a while. Like E-Lad, his first Shooter appearance waited until “The Outlawed Legionnaires!” Then he went ten issues without an appearance. Dream Girl fared a little better than these two, although she waited just as long to first appear under Shooter, and didn’t do much then. In between the “Outlawed Legionnaires” and this issue she had an obligatory appearance in “Mutiny of the Super-Heroines” and a cameo in the Mordru saga.

Whether Shooter disliked these characters, who seemed to be heavily employed whenever Bridwell did a fill-in, I don’t know. Maybe he was just overwhelmed at the number of Legionnaires he had to keep up with.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Tornado Twins” (Adventure Comics #373, October, 1968)

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“Can you spot the clever comic clues? Who are the Tornado Twins?”

So the cover of Adventure Comics #373 teases us. As befits their name, Dawn and Don, twin redheads with familiar super powers, take the world by storm.

We open in a 30th-Century school, where students don headsets and watch slideshows—gasp!—while awake! A busybody inspector tells their teacher that he’s setting education back a thousand years by not using “good, old-fashioned sleep learning!” Um, if it’s an old-fasioned method, how is he setting education back by not using it?

But we learn quickly that these students can’t sleep through their lessons. They’re Legionnaires and must be always on call. Sun Boy and Phantom Girl demonstrate by flying out of the classroom to deal with an emergency. Of course, the leave a lot of other students there. Who are they? Geek Squad?

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Origin of the Legion!” (Superboy #147, June, 1968)

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E. Nelson Bridwell turns out one more Legion story for this 80-page Giant edition of Superboy, celebrating the team’s 10th Anniversary year. Pencils and inks are by Jimmy Olsen regular Pete Costanza. And the subject is, as advertised, the long-awaited origin of the Legion. We’ve known since Adventure #350 that R.J. Brande, the richest man in the universe, bankrolls the group. But it’s startling for modern readers to realize that Brande, who was created by Bridwell, was unheard of for nearly the entire first decade of the group’s existence. He had only appeared twice before this. It was this story, more than any other, which turned that trend around and made him a pivotal figure, not only a donor, but the man who founded the group and gave it its start.

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If You Force Me to Choose Sides, You May Not Like the Side I Choose

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A few years ago, it was rumored that an unpopular President had called the Constitution of the United States, “just a goddamned piece of paper!” And those who even considered the possibility that he had actually said the words were outraged. The very idea that our Chief Executive would express disrespect for the document which defines our government! Now a retired Supreme Court Justice is calling for the repeal of the Second Amendment, one of ten amendments that make up the Bill of Rights. I am, again, outraged. Only my outrage will be permanent. This is not a rumor. Justice Stevens called for it on the Op Ed page of the New York Times.

While, it’s true that I actively despise Hillary Clinton, I do not consider myself a conservative, nor, in spirit, a Republican. Yet if the anti-gun lobby decides to follow his lead, they will have accomplished something that Hillary never could during Election 2016. They will have forced me to choose sides. And in this silly battle of false dichotomies, I shall choose to stand with the Bill of Rights, and with the party that can successfully oppose its dissection.

Justice Stevens’s words are not a call for common sense or school safety. They are a call to take a knife to a set of principles which have protected our freedom for more than two centuries. Democratic party be warned: if you go down this path, you’re not only losing the middle ground, you’re actively pissing all over those of us who are standing on it.

Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “School for Super-Villains” (Adventure Comics #372, September 1968)

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Recapping last issue, Colossal Boy’s parents have been turned to glass and kidnapped. CB, by way of ransom, is sharing confidential information about the Legion Academy’s training methods. He’s been expelled from the Legion and now walks the streets of 30th Century Metropolis a broken young man.

Adding insult to injury, the Science Police accost Gim (Colossal Boy) Allon and tell him he’s under arrest for betraying the Legion. They’re key to U.P. Security and actions taken against them are something approaching treason. But Gim knows his parents are in enough danger now that he can’t get more information from the Academy. He’s not going to rot in jail while they’re turned into decorative fill for fancy glass containers. He shoots up to giant size and flies away. Very quickly, he’s reunited with the goons who glassed his parents last issue.

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The Colonel’s Plan – We’re Pretty Strange

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October 10th, 2017

Dear Daddy—

I’ve had a hard time finding time to write lately. We’ve done a lot of work in the house over the weekend, and, even though it was a long weekend, and I’ve actually taken this week off, life fills to fit the available free time. You knew how that was, I know. But, in and around work, doctor’s appointments and shuttling Christian to and from school, we are making progress with the house. I spent what time I could today building the shelf to hold the sinks. I decided to tile the countertop (it turned out to be a very small space, once the holes for the sinks were cut yesterday!) using the mosaic tile you had bought for the floor.

I brought a section of it out (photo) to show Renee and Mother and ask their opinion. Mother exclaimed, “Oh, Steven, that’s pretty! Now, where does it go?”

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “Colossal Failure!” (Adventure Comics #371, August, 1968)

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This little 11-page gem uses a clever device to show us something that, until now, readers did not know existed—the Legion Academy. Possibly it was just established as the new HQ allowed the space for it. As I recall, Paul Levitz, about 20 years later, would establish that the Academy was an initiative begun by Invisible Kid when he was leader.

Colossal Boy, with an evening free, goes to have dinner with his parents. Before they can sit down to a meal, however, a galactic TV crew (?) shows up at the door, asking to interview the family. Kind of an odd “surprise” interview, but the Allons, surprisingly star-struck by a TV camera, decide to go for it. And it’s fake, and Mom and Dad get turned to glass. They’re still alive as Mrs. Allon’s glowing life gem proves. Unless Colossal Boy turns over the secrets of the Legion Academy, his parents will be smashed to fragments. And returned to him, of course. It would be dishonest to keep the fragments. That would be theft.

CB explains that full members have no clue what happens in the Academy. That’s closely held information. So he can only get in there if he screws up and gets ordered to re-training, which he’s willing to do. And he does, carefully planning a “mistake” that doesn’t directly threaten lives.

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “The Devil’s Jury” (Adventure Comics #370, July, 1968)

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The Legion has come out of hiding to confront Mordru. It does not go well. A few minutes gone, Superboy, Mon-El, Duo Damsel and Shadow Lass had decided to take their own advice to the townspeople of Smallville, face their problems head on, and confront Mordru.

Now, four panels into said confrontation, having learned that all their comrades in the future are either dead or imprisoned, they have decided on the next step in their plan to defeat the evil wizard. It’s a plan originally developed by the valiant King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.

It’s called, “Run Away!!!!”

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Legion of Super-Heroes Re-Read – “Mordru the Merciless” Part Two (Adventure Comics #369, June, 1968)

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Last week, as you recall, (okay, it was yesterday) four Legionnaires were hiding out in 1950s Smallville, the unstoppable sorcerer Mordru hunting them relentlessly…

The kids settle into their secret identities. With whiteface makeup applied, Shady becomes Betsy Norcross, an exchange student. She never says when she’s an exchange student from. And it’s a bit odd that an exchange student would go door to door, asking for a place to live, but that’s just what Shady does at Lana Lang’s house. These things are usually set up by the school, but Mrs. Lang takes her right in. One wonders what “Betsy’s” accent sounded like. Was she passing off as European? Australian? Asian? We saw in the last issue that Curt Swan did not draw Asians looking very Asian. They just had black hair and the same skin tone white people had. I guess that’s refreshing, given how badly stereotyped some comic artists had been in their depictions, only a few years earlier.

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